Love Comes Blindly (book 5) (The Fielding Brothers Saga) Page 10

  She waited for him to say something. Anything. But he continued to smile as he caressed her. She had to break the spell before her heart burst from her chest. “I sincerely pray nothing happens tonight with the soldiers. At least until Father Irvine can bring some help.”

  “I agree. The Abbey is not equipped for a catastrophe such as this.”

  After a few seconds passed without him speaking, she asked, “Gregg? Why are you really here? I doubt it’s to discuss the soldiers.”

  He released her hair and stepped back. “I needed to see you. Lord Calvin and I will probably leave within the next couple of days. I have a lot on my mind that requires to be said.”

  Her breathing slowed. So, he wasn’t here to forgive her, after all. Well, she might as well hear his anger and what he needed to tell her, and wish him well on his journey.

  She nodded, but didn’t move from where she stood. Heat from his body blended with hers even though they were mere inches apart. She enjoyed the connection they had always shared…liked it too much, in fact. When he finally returned to England, her heart would never be the same.

  “That’s what I had gathered,” she said softly. “I’m relieved Lord Calvin is making such a quick recovery.”

  “As am I.”

  He lifted his hand to her face and caressed her cheek. “But I didn’t come to talk about him.” His thumb brushed across her bottom lip, and his gaze rested there. “You have surprised me, Maddie. I doubted a person could change as drastically as you have, but I must admit, you are not the woman I thought I knew.”

  She swallowed hard and shook her head. “I’m not. I don’t ever want to be that person again.”

  “You have grown into a very lovely woman, too.”

  “I thank you for your tender words, Gregg.”

  Sighing, he dropped his hand and stepped back. She wrapped her arms around her middle to keep from quivering. His touch always did this to her.

  “I’m not a man who is used to expressing my feelings, but I will try to explain myself.” He cleared his throat and turned away from her.

  He walked to the window and stopped, looking out into the night. She doubted he could see anything.

  “I don’t need to tell you how trapped I felt when my brother, Nicholas, pushed me into making an offer of marriage to you three years ago.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “But I feel you must know that I grew to accept the idea. Dare I say, I started having certain feelings for you, too?” He glanced over his shoulder at her. “You were a very passionate woman, and I enjoyed the way you melted under my touch.”

  So he’d felt the same as she did back then. Interesting.

  “When my brother told me what you’d done to seduce your brother-in-law, it didn’t sit well with me.” He shrugged. “Plain and simple, it crushed me. I didn’t want to admit I had feelings for a woman who couldn’t return them, so I didn’t let anyone know.”

  Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded. “I appreciate your honesty. I feel terrible about the way I treated you. If I could take it back, I would.”

  He shook his head and approached her. “But then that wouldn’t have made us the people we are today, would it?”

  “I...suppose not.”

  Once again, he took her face in his large hands. She wanted to resist the urge to cuddle, but she couldn’t. His touch felt so good.

  “In three years, I’ve never felt any kind of feelings for a woman. I was protecting my heart, I think. Nevertheless, when I became injured and an angel was by my side helping me, I allowed myself to care once again. I wanted to have those feelings, even if I thought you were a nun.”

  She smiled as a tear slipped down her cheek. He caught it with his thumb and then bent to kiss her eyelids.

  “Now, now. There’s no reason for tears.”

  His hot breath against her skin sent shivers of delight over her body. “Oh, you’re wrong, Gregg.” She blinked her eyes open. “I’m crying because I’m pleased with your confession, and now it’s my turn to confess. I have always held you in my heart. I suffered more over hurting you than I did my sister and brother-in-law.” Another tear dripped from her eye. “Please forgive me. I shall die if you don’t.”

  He gave her a crooked grin. “Now we can’t have you dying, can we?”

  He wrapped her in his embrace, pulling her against his body as his mouth closed over hers. The kiss was sweet and tender and answered her question better than words could. Sobbing, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back with open mouth, clinging to him, letting him know through her actions exactly how she felt.

  A groan tore through him. He tightened his hold and met her demanding kiss. His hands ran over her back, pulling her closer…where she fit so perfectly. Just as she remembered from three years ago.

  He broke the kiss, but continued to trail pecks all over her face and neck. “Oh, Maddie. I do forgive you. Please don’t let me walk out of your life. I need you. I want you as my wife. I…love you.”

  She looked at him. Her heart swelled with love as happiness burst inside her. Finally, she heard the words she thought she’d never hear from him. “Are you certain? I do love you, and all I want to do is please you every day of your life.”

  Sighing heavily, he dipped his head to her throat and rubbed his lips across her skin. “I want you to please me, my dear.” His hands dropped to the buttons down the front of her gown. “Let’s start now.”

  As much as her body cried out to have him hold her intimately, she couldn’t make the same mistakes she’d made three years ago when she willingly gave herself to him. If he wanted to make love to her, he would have to wait until after they were married. After all, it was only proper.

  “Gregg…I was thinking.” She stroked his hair as he continued to kiss her neck.

  “What were you thinking, my love?”

  “That we shouldn’t make love until after we are wed. I want to do it right this time.”

  He lifted his head and gazed into her eyes. “Yes, we should wait and do it right, although…do you know how hard that is going to be for me?”

  “For me as well.” She smiled wide.

  He kissed her mouth again before pulling back. “And I cannot wait to start making babies. Since you told me about Vivian, I have been thinking about how it would have felt to have a daughter.”

  Emotion choked her throat. “She was a beautiful girl, I assure you. I think she would have had your dark hair.”

  “I pray all our children will have your lovely eyes.”

  He leaned up and kissed her lips slowly and meaningfully. “You don’t mind moving back to England with me?”

  Panic encased her, turning her cold inside. Could she return to England? She hadn’t had a happy childhood since she’d been jealous of her sister the whole time. Madeline had created such a scandal for her family. How could she face them now?

  Inwardly, she cried. Out of all the things to ask, why did he ask this now?

  Chapter Ten

  Madeline pushed Gregg away and walked toward the bed. Tears stung her eyes and she tried to blink away the liquid, but they must have had different thoughts because they slid down her cheeks.

  His confession had been so wonderful—the perfect dream. So why had he asked her to go back with him? Didn’t he know she couldn’t?

  It was selfish of her to want him to stay in Scotland, too. He wouldn’t do that now that he had a newspaper to worry about. Slowly, the life she’d thought had come true just crumbled in front of her.

  “Maddie? What’s wrong?” In quick movements, Gregg was beside her, gathering her in his arms. “What did I say to upset you?”

  She turned her head away, not wanting to see her anguish. How could she tell him of her insecurities with meeting her family again after all these years? How could she tell Gregg how frightened she was to ask their forgiveness?

  “Oh, Gregg. You have no idea why I cannot return to London with you.” Her voice broke, so she clea
red her throat and continued, “As much as I want to be a part of your life, Scotland is my home now.”

  He let go of her and took a step back. Hesitantly, she looked into his eyes. Sadness lingered in his gaze, and it crushed her to think she’d hurt him again.

  “You don’t want to be my wife?”

  She shook her head. “Gregg, more than anything I want to become your wife, but…” She took a deep breath. “I can’t live anywhere close to my family.”

  His gaze penetrated her, making her shiver. Could he read her thoughts? More importantly, would he understand?

  Slowly, he walked toward her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “May I ask you one question, Maddie?”

  “What?”

  “Is the reason you don’t wish to return because of Andrew? Are you still in love with him?”

  Her heart stopped beating, just for a few seconds. She’d never connected her brother-in-law as being the reason she didn’t wish to live there, but now she wondered if Gregg was correct. Was it Andrew she didn’t wish to confront? She’d hurt her brother-in-law so terribly, that perhaps the best thing to do was stay out of his life.

  Gregg’s eyes widened, then his face creased with lines as his frown narrowed in a straight, thin line. He released her as if her arms were on fire, and stepped back.

  “You don’t have to answer that, Maddie. The answer is there on your face.” He nodded. “I hope you have a good life as a nun, or whatever it is you wish to happen in Scotland.”

  He turned and hurried out of her room before she could stop him.

  She fell to the floor and sobbed in her hands. He didn’t understand, and she desperately wanted to tell him. So why hadn’t her mouth worked as her mind pieced together what she wanted to say?

  She loved Gregg, not Andrew. But her brother-in-law was indeed the reason she didn’t want to return. How could she look him in the eye and tell him she purposely tried to destroy his marriage to her sister? How could Madeline tell him she had loved Gregg all along and still wanted to seduce Andrew?

  Groaning, she rubbed the pain squeezing her head. Had she lost Gregg again?

  Oh, God! Please help me!

  * * * *

  Gregg hurried back to his cot and stopped. His gaze rested on the worn, brown wool blanket covering the bed, but that was as far as he looked. Nothing belonged to him. After the cannon exploded, his clothes were rags, so the kind Sisters found him a used pair of trousers and shirt, stockings and shoes. He had nothing to take back home.

  He turned and looked at Lord Calvin who sat on his cot with wide eyes.

  “What’s amiss, Fielding?” the other man asked.

  “I’m ready to depart for home. Are you up for the journey?”

  Drake’s mouth gaped open as he slowly shook his head. “Tonight? Now?”

  “Tonight. If you don’t want to go with me, I’ll pay for your travels back to England whenever you wish to return, but I have got to leave tonight. I cannot stay another minute.”

  “Fielding, I know you can see, so I’m quite certain you know it’s pitch black out there. Not even the stars can be seen in the sky.”

  “It doesn’t matter. My eyes are healed, so I can see in the dark.” He heaved a heavy breath. “Are you coming with me or not?”

  Drake stood and hobbled over to stand beside him. “What happened with Miss Madeline?”

  Gregg hardened his expression. “Nothing noteworthy, I assure you.” He clapped his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I need an answer now. Are you coming with me or staying?”

  “I will come. We came together, so we shall leave the same way.”

  “Splendid. Let me go see if I can borrow some horses. I shall come get you once I have them secured.”

  Gregg hurried out of the room before he changed his mind. He could not change his mind! He’d allowed that woman to break his heart once before, and he cursed to think she had done it again. What was wrong with him to wear his heart on his sleeves like some hen-wit female?

  It took some bargaining, but he was able to talk the stable boy into letting him borrow two horses. Lord Calvin met him at the front door, and after assisting his friend to mount, they rode off, away from the Abbey.

  “Once we get into town, we will purchase passage on the train. I’m certain the train passes through here somewhere. Scotland can’t be that uncivilized.”

  “I’m sure the ticket station won’t be open this late. I shall find us someplace to stay for the night.”

  Gregg shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me if we stay in a stable. I just want to leave this godforsaken place as soon as possible.”

  Groaning, he rubbed his forehead, he thought about the way Maddie had looked not too long ago. She didn’t need to explain anything to why she refused to return to England. Her white face and sad expression told him what he didn’t want to know. But it was better to find out her true feelings now than later after they were married.

  She might love him…but she hadn’t gotten Andrew out of her heart, either.

  Although it crushed Gregg to think she still had feelings for Andrew, Gregg wondered if she cared at all for him. She did. She’d proved it. So then why couldn’t she forget about Andrew?

  It didn’t matter. That woman was out of his life for good. He prayed he would never see Maddie O’Neil again.

  * * * *

  When Madeline was certain her eyes didn’t appear swollen, she left her room and hurried downstairs. She had a sleepless night, and literally wanted to die. It had been the second time in her life she ever felt that way. Once the sun rose in the sky, she realized what a huge mistake she had made. Gregg needed to be in her life. He made her happy. He completed her. And if it meant returning to England and confronting all the people she’d wronged, then she would do it…as long as he would stand beside her and be her support.

  She hurried toward the patients’ room, but noticed nobody was here. That was unusual. From outside, she heard a crowd of voices. Curious, she hurried outside, and then stopped suddenly.

  All the Sisters and the patients were gathered on the lawn, staring straight ahead as British soldiers—different from the ones who’d been here a week—were standing in military stance, stern expressions on their faces. One, higher in rank, paced in front of him with his hands behind his back.

  Her heart dropped. Something must have happened last night, and she’d been too distraught to hear…or even care.

  “Somebody has to know something,” the officer said loudly. “And we will not leave until we get some answers. So I suggest you start talking posthaste.”

  On shaky legs, she moved next to a Sister. “What is all of this about?” Madeline asked quietly.

  “Someone broke the prisoners out last night. Two guards were killed in the process.” The older woman’s wide eyes and pale face told of her fear. “I never heard a thing last night, so it is all so surprising for me to be awakened and forced out of bed to come out on the lawn bright and early this morning.”

  “I didn’t hear a thing, either.” Then again, Madeline cried most of the night anyway, so it would have been impossible to hear any sort of commotion.

  Several men from town were also here, she noticed, and she wondered if these were the ones Father Irvine had brought in. Tom McClain was one of them. Five soldiers stood in a group, whispering one to another. When one of them straightened and turned, she held her breath. The Russian! If the prisoners had escaped, why was he still here?

  Several long strides took him to the captain and the Russian whispered in his ear. Immediately, the captain’s gaze skimmed the people and stopped on her. Madeline’s heart dropped.

  “You there, Miss.” The captain pointed and strode toward her with the Russian and three other men following.

  Her hands shook and she clutched them against her middle. She wanted to flee, but that would make her look guiltier.

  The higher ranking officer glared down at her as he stared directly into her eyes. “Where were you last nig
ht?”

  She swallowed hard. “In my room.”

  “What time did you retire?”

  “I—I—I don’t recall the exact time, but it was after dark.”

  “And you didn’t hear the commotion going up on the third floor of the Abbey when several townsmen broke out the prisoners?”

  “I didn’t, sir.” Her gaze switched to the Russian soldier for only a moment before returning to the captain.

  “Well, this man right here says he saw you out very late last night walking near the stables.” He pointed to the Russian. “Were you by the stables?”

  “Y—yes, sir. I was checking the grounds before I retired.”

  “Why so late at night?”

  “It’s like I said…I don’t recall the exact time, but I retired soon afterwards.”

  The Russian stepped forward, his eyebrow arching vindictively. “Captain Butters, I can assure you, she was the last person to see Private Townley before he went missing. I believe she knows something.”

  She couldn’t breathe. That must be the man Gregg killed. Yet…where was Gregg? She hadn’t seen him. Had he left already to return home? He must have since Lord Calvin wasn’t here either.

  “I don’t know who Private Townley is, sir.”

  The Russian’s expression was so mean and spiteful, his glare could have harmed young animals. “Private Townley is the man who was in your room alongside me a week ago. He was the one who jabbed his sword through your trunk.”

  “And…you say I was the last to see him? Yet both of you left my room at the same time that evening. So, sir, I would say you were the last to see him!”

  He gave her an evil grin. “Not when he decided to return to your room without me, hoping to see exactly what kind of nun you really were.”

  “What is the meaning of this?” Reverend Mother’s stern voice had everyone turning to watch her march toward Madeline and the others in the group. “Why are ye tellin’ such lies?” She directed her question to the soldiers.

  The Russian lifted his chin arrogantly. “Ask her yourself if we were not in her bedroom that night.”

  The Reverend Mother’s gaze met with Madeline as a touch of sadness darkened her brown orbs. Madeline’s heart wrenched.